The Pittsburgh Steelers won the AFC Championship and are headed to the Super Bowl. That means the local news will start each broadcast, no longer with the weather report -- (Is there any other city in the United States where the weather leads off all news broadcasts regardless of the season?) -- but with how the fans of "Steeler Nation" are reacting. Now, for those of you not familiar with Pittsburgh, the city is basically in bankruptcy. A State Appointed Oversight Board was given authority over all City Council and Mayoral decisions because the City Government (composed solely of Democrats) has delivered on its promises to the special interest groups - basically, the local unions and political machines. The mayor, who is 28 years old, has been embroiled in scandal since taking office (due to the death of the previously elected mayor). His business acumen, that will hopefully lead this City out of its financial dismay, is so great that he has been focusing his attention on his name: a political stunt, pretending to change it prior to the AFC Championship Game, from "Raven"-Stahl to "Steeler"-Stahl. Brilliant!
Even more comical, however, are the news reports featuring crazed Steeler fans. Although all economic factors indicate a harsh recession, Pittsburgh must be immune. These people have no problem paying for the $75 (plus 7% in Pittsburgh taxes) Ben Roethlisberger Replica Team Color Jersey or the $125 (on sale now at Dick's) Reebok Pittsburgh Steelers Immaculate Reception Jacket. Moreover, they take credit for the victories: "We won! Whoo! Let's go to pee on Carson Street!" While less than 10% of the Steelers reside in Pittsburgh, the fans think otherwise -- "Hines is a good local boy." (Hey, Eienstein. Hines lives in Georgia.)
Of course, there is my buddy Saul. He says that he is happy that the Steelers have won because it gives him an excuse to watch the morning news without being harassed by his wife. You see, Saul has a crush on a news anchor -- in order to avoid litigation, let's call her Honey Ciabatta. Because, for the next two weeks, all of the local news casts will be exclusively focused upon the Steelers (ignoring other newsworthy facts, such as Pittsburgh's homicide rate increasing to historic levels in 2008, or emigration leaving Pittsburgh behind Toledo in current population), Saul will no longer have to justify to his wife his incessant curiosity about whether Honey is still dating a Penguin.
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