Readers of my blog have now discovered a continued annoyance with one of my co-workers. In order to avoid litigation, I simply refer to him as “Saul.” Regrettably, I had the pleasure of attending a conference with Saul in Baltimore last week. Although I loved the Blue Crabs at Bo Brooks and a fine bottle of Fat Bastard Chardonnay, I did not enjoy the company, which aggravated the Hell out of me by the second day. So much so, that I began to drop the “F-Bomb.” Yes, perhaps I am being too critical of this sleepy eyed monster, but you can be the judge.
One of the conference attendees had a Great Grandmother (who was 98 years old) recently pass away. Saul’s response: "Life is short." What the fuck does that mean?! Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does!!! What can you do that's longer? Especially for a 98 year old woman.
Throughout the day, Saul habitually pointed at his wrist every time he asked someone for the time. I know where my watch is, Pal. Where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask you where the toilet is?
I overheard Saul on his mobile phone, speaking to one of his team members back in Pittsburgh, who was complaining about a project. "Oh, you just want to have your cake and eat it too," Saul mumbled. My response: “Fucking right, Chubby! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?”
Often, Saul asked, "Can I ask you a question?” Didn't really give me a choice there, did you Sunshine? And, of course, his questions were related to what time it was.
Finally, I lost my Bluetooth. After a ten minute search, I found it in the convention hall’s cafeteria. Saul quipped, "It's always the last place you look." Of course it is, Einstein! Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Does Saul do this?
Luckily, the conference is over, and I am back home in Pittsburgh. However, so is Saul.
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